Sunday, March 13, 2011
It all happens at once. At the same day. It's how they don't know how to handle it. It's how they don't know what to do next. What is appropriate, and what is not. What is right. What to say, how to say it. Most importantly, how to put this all to an end. A part of me doesn't want to be a part of all this. I end up questioning the true reason. There's a reason for everything right? Why does it have to happen to me? I have faith. I understand, I shouldn't be saying this. But why does it have to happen over and over and over and over again. Why can't I read the signs? What is there to read anyway. What is there for me to learn, more than I already have. Dear person#1, I hate what you say, how you say it and when you say it. It's always in the most inappropriate form and always at the wrong time. In such situations, I start looking down to you as much as I looked up to you. Pathetic and heartbreaking. I shouldn't put myself in those situations, I really do not want to see where I stand when it comes to believing in you. I second guess absolutely everything, if I believe in you at all. I avoide everything. Lock myself up from it. Try not to get involved as much as possible. At the end somehow someway it all comes back to me. Linked to me. And that's where I'm questioned. Asked to take part, forced to act upon the situation. It screws with my head. Please leave me out of the stirring of the unpleasant emotional dynamics.
"The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do."
- John W. Holt.x
Posted by A at 10:23 PM
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens.
-Carrie, Sex and the City.
This is exactly what I'm doing right now. I'm "going with the flow", seeing where all this will take me. I'm done analyzing, comparing, planning and figuring out why and how things happen. I tell myself, when it happens, it happens. And when it happens, is the only right time it could have happened. When it's over, it's over. I shouldn't be analyzing when, how and where. Faith and anticipation over curiosity and worry.
Posted by A at 4:07 PM