Rage like fire.

Although I tend to do that a lot, I hate to say this but I hate when people bring up issues from the past in an argument! A sign of deep seated resentment. But sometimes, it is inevitable. You see, right in the middle of an argument, I surprise myself by bring the silliest most irrelevant things up. They say the more you love and care about someone, the more you pay attention to the little details that might have hurt your feelings. I was the type that needed to clear my head before the serious talk. But now, I tend to snap at people I care about for the silliest things. I make no sense anymore, not even to myself.

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In a rose colored bubble no more.

With all the transition that was happening around me, somehow by the end of 2011, I became speechless. It all became larger than words. You know, like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. Except the part that, unlike butterflies, the world around me wasn't all rosy and rainbow-ish. Life popped my little rose-colored bubble. I like to believe that it is slowly, very slowly, falling into place. I have faith that everything that has happened is for the best, my best. By Jan, 2012. I started seeing where it went wrong, where it got all better. So many things had changed in me and around me. Really, I never saw me here or even through this much. You see I started to believe in heartbreak after high expectations and too much hope, the power of eye cream, the cure of time, the magic of Argan Oil, the art of letting go and comfort food.

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Super cute!

Miu miu cruise collection.

Deep down inside.

"Right now I want a word that describes the feeling that you get - a cold sick feeling, deep down inside - when you know something is happening that will change you, and you don't want it to, but you can't stop it. And you know, for the frist time, for the very first time, that there will now be a before and an after, a was and a will be. And that you will never again quite be the same person you were."

- Jennifer Donnelly, A Northern Light

Then and now.

I loved those NO SCHOOL! days.

Eid Spirit.

What A wore;

A beautiful black Alessandra Rich Lace Stripe gown.

Gold Pave Cone necklace by Eddie Borgo.

Charlotte Olympia Dolly Pumps in Black Suede.

Louis Vuitton Monogram Motard Minaudière Clutch in black patent.

Happy Eid followers!
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Emotional vulnerability.

Sometimes we say really hurtful things to/about people we very much care about and love. Sometimes we don't mean any of it. Sometimes we mean it but never had the reason and chance to hash it out honestly, so we wait. We wait for the appropriate and very inappropriate moment, we wait for the conflict. An argument, or a fight. And that's when we decide its time to say it all. Or, wait .. we never actually decide, we just do without thinking all the hurtful words come out. Your feelings exposed. When its over, when the air is finally cleared. All you could think of is; Oh no I didn't! That's when it hits you, the guilt, why did I? Regret. Resulting in a mess of hurt feelings. No matter how much you think you're past everything that was said, you're past the argument, you're over the fight, but you or they will never forget. The words leave an eternal mark, there's no way around it. You will always have it in mind. Resentment, or something like that.

Lesson: Regardless of the many many differences you have with your surroundings, there are things you know you shouldn't say. Things you never want to say. Things you don't want to clear, because you can't help getting all hurt or defensive when other people point out a few things that they think you could stand a little improvement in. You try, try your best, but it still happens.


A.

Remember

Allah Kareem.

All we do is linger.

It's funny how I give everyone around me the never lose hope speech. And a couple of days ago, I talked myself into giving up hope in a certain something. Maybe that's the only way I'd be able to move on instead of lingering and waiting up. Some things aren't worth the wait anyway. Maybe, it didn't happen yet, because it never will.

I watched Madeline over a grillion times throughout my childhood, I should know by now "you can't make something happen just by wishing for it." right?

--
Ramdhan Mubarak y'all, x

A